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Joke of the Day

"How do you find Illuminati's secret hideout? You triangulate their position!"

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"I just passed my drug test My dealer has some serious explaining to do"
"Who has the biggest ass in the Kardashian family? Kim. She has Kanye."
"[I remove my bike helmet, but my toupee comes off with it] ""I'm sorry guys, is there something funny about safety?"""
"me: so did it hurt? her: yes, a lot me: when i splashed that salsa in your eye? her: I SAID YES"
"Political views are like children. Some people don't have one or want one. Others keep trying to show theirs off."
"I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it. I returned it. Now where to spend my $608?"
"Every time I lose a sock I like to imagine it went to set one of Dobby's house elf friends free."
"Why do black people get hit by cars more during winter time? Because they're easier to spot"
"Did you hear about the Brooklyn bubblebrain who was two hours late for work because the escalator got stuck?"