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Joke of the Day

"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Unless he's a vegan then I'm pretty sure you can just get there through his pu$$y."

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"Sitting Indian Style When I was in third grade the teacher told us to sit Indian Style. So I drank a 30 case of beer and laid in a gutter."
"Broken pencils... ...are pointless."
"I used to date the lead singer of the cranberries Until i found out she was cheating on me....turns out she had some turkey on the side. :D"
"Went gluten-free and already lost 15 friends in the first week!"
"So, you don't like hypothermia? All the cool kids are getting it."
"Nothing says ""I'm a shitty parent but at least I'm rich"" like giving your 2 year old an iPad."
"What's black and doesn't work? A quadriplegic chimney sweep."
"What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse!"
"[trying to get a massage] How much for a happy ending? ""Sir, this is a library!"" *whispers* sorry, how much for a happy ending?"