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Joke of the Day

"Thought I had $707 in my bank account, turns out it was ""LOL"" and I was holding my statement upside down."

"My girlfriend turned to me and said ""Dave, I think we've come to the end of the road."" ""Why?"" I said, shocked. ""We're in a lake."""

"Q: How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo? A: Write 'pp espressivo'."

"Heard unemployment was 10%, but I just did a quick poll of everyone at the office, and it seems like that number may be way high."

"How exactly was a black hole sun supposed to wash away the rain, Soundgarden?"

"Abortion jokes They really suck the life out of you"

"Everything becomes 100 times louder when you're trying not to wake someone up."

"""Suicide Squad"" looks like a bunch of people Avril Lavigne hangs out with."

"Men have feelings too. For example, sometimes we feel hungry."

"""Kids, grandma just had hip surgery so I need to warn you, she's not herself."" *grandma struts in wearing skinny jeans and smoking an E-cig*"