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Joke of the Day

"[sitting at a table] Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across. Me: crosses out and writes new number *thermostat negotiations*"

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"Why did the suicidal chicken cross the road? To get to the... *other* side."
"An Irish man walks out of a bar. Hey, it could happen."
"What are the only english words that russian prostitutes can say? Putin"
"Motstand ar meningslost. -Bjorn Borg"
"What do you call a white supremacist who doesn't eat meat? A vegitaryan"
"I can't tell if the vegans upstairs are having sex or are finally eating a steak."
"What do a plate of homemade brownies and a golden shower have in common? Urine for a treat."
"Why did the atheist chicken cross the road To get away from Churchs"
"[date] Me: *ok don't let her know I'm a bull* Her: ""so what are some red flags for you?"" Me: *sweating* ""haha red flags? Where?"""