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Joke of the Day

"Grandpa Me: My grandpa knew the exact time, day and year he was going to die! Teacher: What an evolved soul? How'd he know? Me: The judge told him."

"i wear glasses n walk around eating apples n everyone is like ""wow. he prolly subscribes 2 the economist"" but joke's on them i can't read"

"What do you call it when two amoebas say hi? A micro-transaction."

"5-year-old daughter: I don't like my princess shoes with the heels. Me: Do they hurt your feet? 5-year-old: I can't run from zombies."

"Reddit. Now a tool for the NSA."

"Someone needs to tell drug sniffing dogs about the whole ""man's best friend"" thing."

"So thankful I wasn't molested as a child, but think it's weird no one tried. Was it my fault??"

"I'm attracted to fat chicks... ...by the force of gravity"

"Why does everyone hate their elder brother?"

"An old man was having a check up.... The doctor asked how hid erections were doing. ""They come and go."""