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Joke of the Day

"Just got some good news from my financial planner ...she told me I'd only have to keep working 3 years after I die to afford my retirement."

"Boss ""I'm looking for a volunteer."" Me *chops off own legs ""I can't!"" Co-worker ""I'm busy, sorry."" Me ""damn, that's a better excuse."""

"I've heard that Americans don't find paedo jokes funny Guess they're just a bit touchy"

"""LSD Makes Users Lose Weight"" That makes sense. It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it."

"Saitama tried to change his Facebook password to Goku but Facebook said it was too weak..."

"Happy Birthday Ray Rice! I offered to bring punch to the party but, his wife said she already had enough."

"What is easy to get into, but hard to get out of? Addiction"

"[with father in law] ""You know how to pluck a goose, son?"" Er yes sir, sure do *stretches goose's neck and plays it like a double bass*"

"My friend got fired from his job selling industrial vacuum cleaners. It's cool though he said it sucked."

"I consider anything that doesn't fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use."