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Joke of the Day

"A&P is in bankruptcy, and Stop & Shop is buying some of their stores. They'll be called Stop & P."

"When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard My second thought is virgin wizard"

"Judge: For the crimes you have committed you will go to prison for 10 years Me: That's a long sentence! Judge: Ok - ""you get 10 years"""

"What's the difference between a government bond and a man? *The bond matures.*"

"Doctor Doctor I need something to keep my falling hair in What about a matchbox !"

"The greatest trick the devil ever played was offering a buy one get one free sale one day after you already purchased two at regular price."

"Why are fruit fetishists never alone? Because they cum in pears."

"Why can you call a liberal a leftist but can't call a conservative a rightist? Because they're always the wrongest."

"My heart goes out to all the single thermometers that don't get any help from the therdadeter."

"Toast should never pick a fight with me because I eat toast for breakfast."