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Joke of the Day

"A&P is in bankruptcy, and Stop & Shop is buying some of their stores. They'll be called Stop & P."

"Mickey and Minnie Mouse are going through a divorce. Mickeys lawyer says "" you can't get a divorce because your wife is a little crazy."" To which Mickey replies ""no I said she's Fucking Goofy!"""

"I once told a guy I was going to attack him with the neck of a guitar... The guy said, ""IS THAT A FRET?"""

"Why are camels known as ships of the desert? ... Because they are full of Arab semen."

"Just converted my savings to pesos and HOLY SHIT am I rich!!!!!!!!"

"WHERE MY INTROVERTS AT? [a few people shuffle their feet & pretend to check their phones]"

"[cuddling] her: what are you thinking about? me: these pretzels are making me thirsty"

"Why did the viper viper nose ? Because the adder adder hankerchief !"

"LPT: If you want to pick up wet girls go around driving while its raining and offer if they need a ride"

"""NO NO NO NO"" - the guy who invented folding chairs watching a wrestling match"