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Joke of the Day

"Villain: We meet again, Mr. Bond Bond: You don't remember my 1st name do you Villain: Sure I do. It's uh.. Bond: C'mon this is our 3rd fight"

"My 6 year old niece told me this one. What do you call an alligator who likes to wear vests? (_) ( _)>- (_) An investigator"

"Someone should call 911... ...because YouTube is having one of its daily 500 seizures."

"The Russian version of ""How I Met Your Mother"" is just a single episode showing a guy browsing a web page."

"u have been sentenced to 99 years in a maximum security prison for taking bites out of a string cheese instead of havin fun and peeling it"

"I'm sorry my dollar isn't straight enough for you, homophobic vending machine."

"[Starbucks] ME: [bursts in] THERE'S A GUNMAN AT LARGE BARISTA: [shrugs] ME: [sigh] THERE'S A GUNMAN AT VENTI B: *grande screaming noises*"

"My dog barks for 2 reasons: 1. When somewhere in the world another dog is barking. 2. When somewhere in the world no other dog is barking."

"My girlfriend and I had a threeso last night... It's like a threesome but it didn't include me."

"Feminists hate words with masculine-sounding roots... ...maybe that's why none of them have any manners."