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Joke of the Day

"What crime did the viticulturist get imprisoned for? Grape."

"Today is the rest of the world's 9/11 No, seriously, look up the calendar."

"Do you want to hear a short joke? Never mind, it'd probably go right over your head anyway."

"My resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my tv."

"How does one know if balls are ticklish? Test-Tickle."

"Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub."

"There's nothing more disappointing for a woman than finding out a bearded guy in a flannel shirt is a hipster and not a lumberjack."

"""Shoot for the moon, land among the stars"" -dead astronaut"

"I go in hard, I come in soft, you blow me. What am I? Gum."

"Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry."