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Joke of the Day

"I date waitresses so I can ask them if everything is ok when their mouth is full."

"What is Newton's fifth law of motion? If you run around a tree at the speed of light you can literally fuck yourself."

"How can you tell if your son is gay? Ask him to go to a football game. If he can't go, because he's busy sucking his boyfriend's dick, he might be gay."

"[wife gets in the car after talking with the priest] ""What did the priest have to say?"" ""He said you have to stop rapping over the choir."""

"You're so ugly that when you went to turn on your car stereo it overheated, fizzled, died out and started playing Who Let The Dogs Out"

"6 said he isn't sleeping in his room cause the tooth fairy sounds creepy but he left the tooth cuz he needs the money. -No DNA test needed"

"Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers."

"Knock, knock! Who's there? Opportunity That is impossible. Opportunity doesn't come knocking twice!"

"[table of 6 year olds in lab coats] How are we supposed to find a cure for cooties if we *bangs fist on table* CAN'T EVEN FIND WALDO?!"

"Why does a chicken coop have two doors ? Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!"