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Joke of the Day

"Him: Productive conference call? Me: Hell yeah. I painted my toes, posted 6 pictures on IG, and got in one solid nap."

"I'm pretty sure my electrician supports LGBT rights. Just the other day I heard him talking about his transister."

"Once again I'm reminded that pressing harder on a remote control when I know the batteries are getting dead is not an effective strategy."

"Friday night is my weekly time to ponder...which do I hate more: my friends, or having to make new friends?"

"What do you call a girl who does from butt injections? Ass-fix-iation"

"What do you call a skeleton with blonde hair in a closet? Last year's winner of the blonde ""hide and go seek"" contest"

"Next OSX version announced!!! It will be called ""El Chapo"""

"Why should they have hosted the World Cup in a different country this year? .... because a brazillian things could go wrong"

"People always ask what's the best sport to watch at home. It's obviously volleyball because I can't whip my dick out in the stands."

"Why did Tigger jump down the toilet? He was looking for Pooh."