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Joke of the Day
"How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know, that's a good question."
Next Joke
"My friend went whale watching the other day... I didn't know people were paying to take pictures of my ex."
"Scientists find new way to measure pregnancy Placentage"
"I want to have 3 kids and name them Ctrl, Alt, and Delete. That way when they fuck up, I can hit them all at once."
"What's Donald Trump's least favorite music band of all time? Foreigner."
"""They like to buy t-shirts reminding each other of the words from movies they have seen and enjoyed"" - me finishing my report on humans"
"At the #Adele concert, saw a girl on the corner of the stage repeatedly punching herself in the face. Realized she was the deaf interpreter."
"In high school I was voted Most Likely to Be Shot Dead While Trying to Steal Something of Moderate Value From a Texan."
"therapist: ""remember there are no stupid questions"" wife: ""okay"" therapist: ""keith you start"" me: ""do sharks ever need to have a bath?"""
"Where's the best place to have a waffle on the beach? San Diego. (Sandy Eggo)"