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Joke of the Day

"At the #Adele concert, saw a girl on the corner of the stage repeatedly punching herself in the face. Realized she was the deaf interpreter."

"I know this may have been posted as it is fairly common, but here it is anyway: What do you call a person who had to be amputated after being attacked by an animal? Claude"

"They said she was a cat lady but when I threw her off a small building she didn't land on her feet and now I'm in jail for murder."

"What did batman say to robin? Q. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? A. ""Get in the car, Robin"" Source http://badkidsjokes.tumblr.com/"

"I see you when you follow. I know when you get blocked. I look at all your @ replies and hack your DM box. Stalker Claus is coming to town."

"Weed doesn't give me an attitude when I forget to pay the electric bill... I love you, weed."

"Why did the tractor trailer mechanic always have half an erection? Because he was constantly nursing a semi."

"where do you take a sick horse? The horspital"

"A man walks into a bar.. ..all the bottles fall down."

"How many optometrists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One... or two? One... or two?"