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Joke of the Day

"In high school I was voted Most Likely to Be Shot Dead While Trying to Steal Something of Moderate Value From a Texan."

"Yo mamas so fat When she wants to take a bath... She fills up the tub and THEN turns on the water"

"Never answer knocking at your door. It's always people. Always. Never giant chocolate bars. Only people."

"Remember, life isn't about accumulating stuff. It's about making people insanely jealous of your stuff."

"Note to self: Used VHS tapes do not make good emergency gifts, always go with stuff from the freezer."

"How do you defeat your enemies? Chop off their feet."

"Why did the archaeologist go bankrupt? Because his career was in ruins"

"An Apple computer walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""What'll it be, Mac?"""

"How do you circumcise a hillbillly? Kick his sister in the chin."

"My girlfriend HATES it when I sneak up on her. According to her lawyer she also hates it when I call her my girlfriend ( ._.)"