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Joke of the Day

"I don't understand why everyone is getting so worked up about there being more than 2 genders... There's always been 3 anyways: male, female and wheelchair."

"How'd the stomach know the food went bad It was a a gut feeling"

"As a child I was always taught there is a brain in my skull. Now I can't get it out of my head."

"Mary had a little lamb. The doctor fainted."

"I like turntablism. Some of the samples really speak to me."

"Someone stole all the toilets from the police station downtown. The cops have nothing to go on."

"[first date] HER: i'm really into guys- ME (eager to impress her): me too"

"""The only way I'd go to a Justin Bieber concert, is if it was a Jay-Z concert"" - my 9 yr old daughter"

"What do you call a scruffy lazy ant? Decadant."

"Psssst. Hey you, Yeah you...Facebook parent. Your kid looks the same as it did 8 minutes ago. When you posted the other 45 pics. We get it"