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Joke of the Day

"Mary had a little lamb. The doctor fainted."

"The most disappointing moment of my adult life was when I found out a vaporizer is an e-cigarette and not a death ray that vaporizes people."

"I was screwing this African woman last night, she kept yelling the N word It was really hard to concentrate with her screaming no the entire time"

"What's the difference between America any yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture."

"(Breaks car window to save a dog) Guy: I'm in the car! Me: Yeah but it's hot Him: The AC is on! Me: Can I get in? It's really hot out here."

"For once I would like to find a babysitter that doesn't get all upset when she gets to my house and realizes I don't have kids"

"American: I was just at a shotgun wedding Me: How far pregnant was the bride? American: You English are insane Shotguns can't get pregnant"

"Why do thugs play basketball? Because it teaches them to shoot, run and steal."

"Why are some jokes so funny? -Doctor, Doctor why are some jokes so painfully funny? -It must be the punchline"

"My brother got sent to prison for something he didn't do. He didn't wear gloves."