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Joke of the Day

"I love these hot summer nights when you can open all the windows and fall asleep naked. I'm not sure my taxi driver appreciates it though."

"I accidentally heated my Hot Pocket for 20:00 instead of 2:00 and now there's a giant radioactive Hot Pocket in my apartment watching my tv"

"Hey can you take the next left? I gotta drop the cosby kids off at the pool."

"This 14 yr old girl in the news that is being frozen cryogenically, her Mother wanted to comply with her wishes, but her Father didn't... Does he just have to let it go?.."

"My wife told me I had to choose My wife walked in and told me I had to choose. Her or reddit.... I'm sure going to miss her."

"What is the richest beverage? Juice."

"Who wants to get enraged and go persecute Christians? No one."

"I used to go to Weight Watchers to meet women [FIXED] Turns out they're way harder to pick up than I thought."

"I was asleep in a forest... ...Then suddenly woke up and saw a grizzly bent over my face. Bear ass."

"Why did Star Wars come out 4,5,6,1,2,3? Because in charge of sequence, yoda was."