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Joke of the Day

"My wife told me I had to choose My wife walked in and told me I had to choose. Her or reddit.... I'm sure going to miss her."

"I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg!"

"What's the boob of a nun called? Sanctity."

"The strangest thing happened. A coworker who always says, ""Living the dream"" was mysteriously stabbed 37 times in the neck with my car keys."

"What do you call people who use sandpaper to remove any evidence that Ernie and Bert are gay lovers? Bernie Sanders."

"History of panties... 50 years ago you'd have to pull down her panties to see her ass. Today, you have to pull her ass apart, to see her panties."

"The premise of Batman is that, deep down, all billionaires just want to be first-year patrol cops"

"I hate circles. They're pointless."

"Boko Haram Has Really CHANGED. I used to like these guys a lot. ""Whiter Shade of Pale"" was a great, great song. Look at them now. What happened with them? They sure made a wrong turn, somewhere!"

"If your status update contains the words, ""I know 99% of you won't repost this,"" there is a 99% chance you're an idiot."