148965

Joke of the Day

"I was asleep in a forest... ...Then suddenly woke up and saw a grizzly bent over my face. Bear ass."

"Blood is thicker than water. Maple syrup is thicker than blood. So pancakes are more important than family. There, I said it."

"What did Barack say to Michelle when he proposed? I don't want to be Obama self."

"I'm an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want"

"I really like working with spices... My newest recipe is cumin cider."

"are those elderberries? [camera pans over to reveal a bunch of berries struggling to use the internet]"

"So how do you stop eating the endless breadsticks at Olive Garden does the restaurant close or are you supposed to bring a spotter with you?"

"The Doctor says: ""Mrs Jones, I think your 7 year old is watching way too much TV"" ""How can you tell?"" asked Mrs Jones ""He just asked me if Cialis is right for him"""

"Knock, Knock. Who's there? Opportunity. Don't be silly - opportunity doesn't knock twice!"""

"""Yo it's your boy! You already know who it is!"" -every rapper that is not your boy and who you do not know"