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Joke of the Day

"What did the deaf, blind dumb kid get for Christmas? Cancer."

"What do guns and millennials have in common? You need to keep them in a safe space if you don't want them triggered."

"I may have Alzheimer... ... but at least I don't have Alzheimer."

"There's this dog teaching me some new dance moves. He's a corgi-ographer."

"Commander: ARCHERS READY Archer: (to guy next to him) dude tbh I was zoned out wtf we supposed to be shooting at"

"Why did the angel lose her job? She had harp failure."

"Feed me pieces of baguette by the park bench like one of your French squirrels."

"What's the difference between a hoedown and a hootenanny? One's when your prostitute falls on the floor, and the other is when your babbysitter is making owl sounds."

"Can't wait to walk down the aisle. The frozen food aisle. Marry me, ice cream."

"I woke up last night and there was an enormous black coffin at the end of my bed. So I gave him a cough-drop and told him to fuck off."