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Joke of the Day

"Long ago, my mentor told me to look into self improvement. He used to mumble a bit, though. Now I don't have the discipline to actually build one, but I know everything about constructing shelves."

Next Joke
 
"Do you ever pretend like you didn't see something so the other person doesn't feel embarrassed."
"TEXTATIONSHIP: a person that texts you all the time but never makes an effort to see you."
"What's the best way to get bubble gum out of your hair? Cancer"
"Dear Fox News, So far, no news about foxes. Sincerely, Unimpressed"
"What are your two favourite times to party? Daytime and night-time!"
"Security: Animals aren't allowed in this art gallery, sir. Me: It's my guide dog. Dog: Picasso, born 25/10/1881, was a Spanish painter..."
"What do you call earrings on a gay man? Queerings"
"Everyone is going crazy over that Kim and Kanye named their baby ""North West"" I believe she's going straight to the top... And slightly to the left"
"Why Seth MacFarlane's Oscars were mean spirited and misogynistic, coming up next after our review of the worst dressed women."