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Joke of the Day

"I've got a message for all you ""migratory ducks"" out there: If you're going to come to our country, learn some freaking English."

"Two snowmen are standing in a field. One leans over to the other and asks ""you smell carrots?"""

"How do Jewish kids learn to count? 10% off, 20% off, 30% off"

"Fact: If you get pulled over, as the cop is walking up to you, place an aluminum foil hat on your head and you disappear from his vision."

"What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste!"

"A man goes to the vet about his dog's fleas. The vet says: 'I'm sorry, I'll have to put this dog down.' The man is incredulous and asks why. The vet says: 'Because he's far too heavy.'"

"Did you hear? About the cannibal that dumped his girlfriend?..."

"My wife and I weren't really expecting a baby, and then BAM!... One smacks right into the windshield."

"SON: Daddy, I keep hearing noises from my closet. I think a monster's in there. ME: Yeah, why do you think mom and I chose the other room?"

"A farmer invested $10 million of his own money for a research on 'effects of Marijuana on cattle'. The steaks were high."