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Joke of the Day

"A man goes to the vet about his dog's fleas. The vet says: 'I'm sorry, I'll have to put this dog down.' The man is incredulous and asks why. The vet says: 'Because he's far too heavy.'"

"My girlfriends are like computers. I mistreat them, load them with viruses, and then I break them."

"In a democracy, it's your vote that counts... ...and in feudalism, it's your Count that votes."

"Just finished reading the Declaration of Independence to my kids, and they went to live with their dad"

"Titanic is my favorite movie about how to get rid of your boyfriend and make it look like an accident."

"I went to a seafood disco last week I ended up pulling a mussel."

"[At a psychic fair] Psychic: Ask whatever you want to know. Success? Work? Love? Money? Me: Can you tell me where my car keys are?"

"A programmer goes on a walk. Before he leaves the house his wife tells him: ""While you are outside, please buy some bread."" He never returned."

"doktor: are you enjoying the weather? me: yes. it is very outside"

"Did you hear about the painting that was falsely sent to prison? He was framed."