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Joke of the Day

"Q. Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat? A. Because he was pissed off!"

"""Why'd you name me Carson, dad?"" You were born in a car. Now go fetch your sister, Hospitaldaughter. It's time for tablemeal."

"How does a Jewish man know his wife died? Well, the sex is the same but the dishes are piling up."

"Me: ""Hey towel, you're looking good. What u doing later?"" Wife: That's not what I meant by pick up my towel. Just hand it to me, idiot."

"What do you find in a cloud's shorts? Thunderpants!"

"Why shouldn't you eat meat from pot smoking cows? Because the steaks are too high."

"The real winner in the Mayweather Pacquiao fight.? The Bookmakers"

"I slept like a baby last night... I woke up every 15 minutes and then shat myself"

"At lunch with 5 of my bestest phones!!!"

"What did the bull-fighter say to the upset door? What's the matador?"