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Joke of the Day

"What do you find in a cloud's shorts? Thunderpants!"

"*loads dryer* Fitted Sheet: HE'S BURNING US ALIVE! COME, SHIRT! COME, PANTS! HOP IN MY BOSOM AND I WILL FORM A PROTECTIVE BALL OF MOISTURE!"

"Do you know what the one vegetable that isn't actually vegan is? Terry Schiavo."

"If your woman is always reminding you of how other many guys want her and you are lucky she is still with you, dump that ho. Let those wolves have her."

"Why can't the Philippines field an ice hockey team? The players all drowned in spring training."

"The ISIS have recruited a new rapper... They're calling him the real Islam shady!"

"*holds up 2 ties* which one, I have a big meeting today ""both are nice"" [wife calls later] ""how'd it go"" well, wearing 2 ties was a disaster"

"How do you recycle a condom? You turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it"

"The fact that we're not calling stepdads ""faux pas,"" seems like a missed opportunity."

"[KK] Broken pencil Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? ... nevermind, there's no point"