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Joke of the Day

"Thanks iPhone autocorrect, I'm sure my dad wanted to know that I miss going on our weekend fisting trips."

"This coffee tastes like... ...mud, because it was ground a few minutes ago. EDIT: how to tag as 'dirty'?"

"Note to self: Before committing any murders, get head and shoulders. Can't be leaving DNA all over the place."

"I overheard a super skinny girl say that she sometimes forgets to eat. So naturally I licked her face to see if it was contagious"

"People are like snowflakes. Individually small and ineffective, but if we work together we can make my step dad crash his car into a tree."

"How to give a good hand job... Step 1: Use your mouth."

"Want to play the rape game? said Guy. ""No"" said Girl. ""That's the spirit!"" said Guy. Girl is now screwed."

"[end of long conversation] HER: let me give you my number ME: great! [forgot name] how do you spell your name? HER: ME: HER: k-i-m ME:"

"A pirate joke kind of day. What do pirates and pimps have in common? They both say ""YO HO!"" and walk with a limp!"

"[around campfire] ME: *grabs guitar* Hey kids how about a song? KIDS: Yeah! ME: ok *clears throat* LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR LET THE BODI"