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Joke of the Day

"Note to self: Before committing any murders, get head and shoulders. Can't be leaving DNA all over the place."

"The NSA is to blame for obesity in The United States. Because the camera ads 10 pounds."

"What do you do if your daughter starts smoking? Slow down and use lube."

"What do lawyers use for birth control? Personality."

"What's the difference between a dog and your best friend? The dog doesn't fuck your wife and walk the house in your robe"

"you don't need to thank everyone on facebook for your birthday messages, they were not sincere."

"What do you call three Pokemon nerds having a circle jerk. Dugtrio"

"What's longer than most relationships these days? This status."

"[NSFW]Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? Dad: Because his wife died."

"Kosher Sausages I bought some, does anyone else's miss a little bit of skin at the top?"