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Joke of the Day

"[end of long conversation] HER: let me give you my number ME: great! [forgot name] how do you spell your name? HER: ME: HER: k-i-m ME:"

"There are always two ways to look at things. I prefer to look at them my way."

"Guide to making everyone hate you: Step 1) Turn your hat backwards"

"I use to have crabs... Until the bigger bugs ate them."

"what was the last thing that went through Jane Wicker's mind? The Ground."

"What 20th century composer would make the best bartender? Philip Glass. (fill up glass)"

"I told my girlfriend I've known 3 whores in my life. The first one was named mercedes, the second one porsche, your name must be buick!"

"My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records Then the librarian told me to take it out."

"When I went to bed last night I had 47,000 followers. Now I have 700. Did I spell something wrong?"

"What did the mad cow say to the other cow? You don't want beef with me"