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Joke of the Day

"I just got a text from someone I don't know. They say they're sick and vomitting. Should I tell them that vomitting only has one T?"

"Two books arm wrestle. One ruptures is appendix, the other helps him rebind it."

"Teacher: What's 2 and 2 Pupil: 4 Teacher: That's good Pupil: Good ? that's perfect !"

"Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only."

"My boss really hates that I shortened his name to Dick.... Especially since his name is Steve"

"I asked my doctor where i should put my pants ""Next to mine"" was not the answer i was looking for."

"What do Pink Floyd and Dale Earnhardt Sr have in common? Each of their last big hits was the wall."

"My other calendar is a packet of birth control pills."

"Baby, let's stay up all night and watch people Instagram the sunrise."

"Did you hear the joke about the sewing machine? It'll leave you in stitches!"