203119

Joke of the Day

"But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? / Are you still on your iPhone even though you said you were going to sleep?"

"Hillary Clinton"

"I was going to write a joke about taps... ...but I didn't want to faucet."

"What if Aliens don't want to visit us because they're all women and they want us to make the first move."

"Did I tell you about the time I was going down on my grandmother? All I could taste was horse semen... So I thought to myself, ""this must be how she died!"""

"An egg with 28 followers says I'm not funny. So if you need me, I'll just be in the kitchen making an omelette."

"That Awkward Moment when you find something hilarious, but nobody else does."

"A guy who doesn't believe in global warming is swimming in Egypt... He's in de-nile"

"Good night cop: Want the light on or off? Sweet dreams kiddo. Bad night cop: You will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep."

"I've always wondered what it was like to have a stalker... So I guess I'll ask the guy hiding in my closet."