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Joke of the Day

"Good night cop: Want the light on or off? Sweet dreams kiddo. Bad night cop: You will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep."

"Is it wrong to hate a certain race? Me and my running friends always run 5Ks, but now they want to run 10K races and I really hate running 10Ks"

"What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and an all-girl track team? Pygmies are cunning runts."

"""YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER"" - salt"

"[orchestra] VIOLIN 1: *pssst* Can I ask you a dumb question? VIOLIN 2: Um, okay. V1: What's up w/the guy in front waving his arms around?"

"Be careful, there is also plenty of mentally unstable fish in the sea."

"Hey, Sean Bean, it's either pronounced Shaun Baun or Seen Bean. You can't have it both ways."

"Last night I had an Ant on me... Okay, I guess she was more of a Cougar."

"I play in the band I play the circle, it used to be the triangle but I beat the fuck out of it"

"I call my mom santa.... Cause she is always calling me a ho ho ho"