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Joke of the Day

"It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look!"

"I wish my race was bred fast and strong... Oh wait, no I dont."

"What's the best way to piss off your best friend? Stand on top of his head and make it rain."

"5 years ago, I asked this beautiful woman if she would go to dinner with me. Last spring, I asked her to be my wife. Both times she said no."

"Two flies are eating a turd. One of them farts, and the other one says ""Dude, gross. I'm eating."""

"I cleaned my wood floors with furniture polish and now I'm a pretty pretty ice dancer."

"The little old woman who lived in a shoe... ...wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached."

"My phone tried to auto-correct ""f*cking"" to ""f*ck king,"" and I was like hell yeah I am."

"What do you call someone who has ancestry back to China but is a 2nd generation US citizen and is a professional bodybuilder? Ben Ching."

"At the Special Olympics they don't use starter pistols... They use Spud Guns."