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Joke of the Day

"I cleaned my wood floors with furniture polish and now I'm a pretty pretty ice dancer."

"What's worse than a worm in your apple? The Holocaust..."

"POLLY GETS A CRACKER WHEN HE STOPS REFERRING TO HIMSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON, and not a moment before. Stupid bird."

"What did Khloe Kardashian do for a vegetable? Broke up with James Harden"

"A guy walks into a bar.... ...holding a set of jumper cables and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says ""okay, I'll serve you, but don't you start anything!"""

"Why do Black people prefer big asses? Because they have a bigger machine to ride ( )"

"I only listen to Australian indie pop music on Sundays.. Because that is the Lorde's day."

"On a cold, late December day... ... the wall calendar looked across the room at the advent calendar and said: ""It looks like our days are numbered, pal""."

"Ever been half way through eating a horse and start to think..... I wasnt as hungry as I thought"

"I was going to go as a worthless piece of garbage for Halloween... ...but then I realized I go as that every day of the year."