201985

Joke of the Day

"Stop me if you've heard this one: When is a door not a door? *WHEN IT'S BEEN BLOWN TO BITS!*"

"What did the terrorist say as he walked into a classroom with a clock strapped to his chest? Allahu Clockbar!"

"Whatever you do, always give 100% Unless you're donating blood"

"If we do end up colonizing Mars.. ..the WiFi there would be out of this world"

"What is the size of women in Italy? Itali-cized."

"Why do people at work always laugh at my jokes? Because they're paid to."

"*sees baby* *feels sad that my kids aren't babies anymore* *sees look of exhausted despair in baby's parents eyes* *sadness evaporates*"

"Cop: Are you drunk? Me: Could a drunk person do this? *I just piss my pants* Cop: WOW. Yes actually. Me: That was supposed to be a backflip"

"I don't usually post on this sub, so here goes nothing..."

"Today I played dead with my 5yo nephew. He cried for 5 seconds, then grabbed my iPhone and run away."