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Joke of the Day

"Today I played dead with my 5yo nephew. He cried for 5 seconds, then grabbed my iPhone and run away."

"I finally learned to masturbate without hands! Now I use only one."

"What does a pirate drink for breakfast? Arrrrange juice."

"Am I the only one who just buys a new printer when the ink is gone? Also, does anyone want to make a sweet printer fort?"

"Robin Williams jokes. God gave men both a penis and brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."

"The cheesiest joke ever. ""I don't feel grate."" -- Block of Cheese before it got shredded."

"What did the lonely clock say to the other? I hope you have the time tic come toc to me"

"""Children, stop biting grandpa's nails... ...or I'll close the coffin!"""

"What is the difference between joghurt and America? If you leave joghurt alone for 200 years, it will grow a culture!"

"In the window of a bar in Philadelphia Drop a bucket of Starbuck's Iced Coffee on your head to raise awareness of the rich city girls who have lost their ability to even."