198479

Joke of the Day

"Today I played dead with my 5yo nephew. He cried for 5 seconds, then grabbed my iPhone and run away."

"SNAKE: im gonna bite you SNAKE CHARMER: u are so sexy S: wha- SC: *presses finger to lips* still wana bite me? S: *blushes* well not anymore"

"s/o to bees for producing food that we can eat. no other bug is generous like that LOVE YOU BEES"

"Why don't you feel the need to wear a seat belt when taking a cab? Because there is a doctor driving."

"I caught up with my old English teacher. ""What's new?"" he asked. I said, ""An adjective."""

"Wife sneezed... ... and told me she was allergic to my hotness. My response: so do you break out in sex?"

"16 Sodium atoms walked into a bar followed by Batman"

"Q. What is the fastest way to get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A. Wave at her."

"How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? **ONLY ONE** But the light bulb has to want to change."

"Where can you find the strongest tea? Cliffsides (because it's so steep)."