201527

Joke of the Day

"It's almost Christmas, which means it's almost time to hear my parents' new excuses for why Jennifer Lawrence isn't under the tree again."

"Have you ever smelled mothballs? How'd you get their teeny legs apart?"

"If you want to break your addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers... you need to quit cold turkey."

"I invented four new karate moves while trying to get an automatic paper towel dispenser to work."

"R news are nazis This is how it works, right? Can i get my karma points now i need karma"

"What do you call a cow that can't produce milk? Utterly useless"

"Didn't manage to catch any fish today... It was a failure."

"People only want to do drugs named after women: Mary Jane, Molly, Lucy (in the Sky with Diamonds). No one wants to snort some Craig."

"I just steam cleaned my carpets and wondered how difficult a homicide would be to clean up."

"A barman is complaining about all the weird customers he's been getting lately... Then a half naked man walks in with a huge number 19 tattooed on his body. ""There... that's a prime example"""