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Joke of the Day

"People only want to do drugs named after women: Mary Jane, Molly, Lucy (in the Sky with Diamonds). No one wants to snort some Craig."

"What did phenolphthalein do when he couldn't understand his Chemistry homework? He just added Acetic Acid until it became clear."

"WORK TIP: Respond to all your boss's emails with ""Heyyyy you!"""

"Boys are cute how they're all ""I like girls that don't wear heavy makeup"" and ""get down from that tree near my window or I'll call the cops"""

"Why couldn't the Mayans just make a calendar full of naked women like everybody else?"

"I want to die like my Grandpa: peacefully in my sleep. Not screaming like everyone else in the car."

"How can you tell if a hamburger was grilled in space? It's a little meteor."

"[OC c/o my 9 y.o.] What holds up a bowl's pants? Suspoonders!"

"You know you're tired when you kneel on the ground pick something up and then have to decide if it's easier to get up or just live there now"

"Whats the difference between a Jew and a boy scout Boy scouts come home from camp"