201392

Joke of the Day

"Stop calling it ""sweater weather"" and call it what it really is, ""I don't have to shave my legs for 6 months weather."""

"I have a fear of speed bumps... But I'm slowly getting over it."

"Donald Trump, an asshole, and an evil masterminds walks into a bar... He sits down and orders a drink."

"I had diarrhea till 5am It was shitty"

"A man buys condoms at a drugstore ... The cashier asks ""You need a bag with this?"" and the man answers ""No! She's not *that* ugly!""."

"How did Kurt Cobain die? With a Cobang"

"Me: Want to see me do The Robot? Friend: Sure. Me: Friend: Why aren't you moving? Me: Updating software."

"What did the roadman say when he saw the Mona Lisa? That's a peng ting."

"What do you call herpes on a scarecrow? A corn on the cob"

"[LPT] Choose the song you hate the most as your alarm tone and place your phone as far as possible Then turn your phone off and sleep like a champion."