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Joke of the Day

"Me: Want to see me do The Robot? Friend: Sure. Me: Friend: Why aren't you moving? Me: Updating software."

"What's the difference between autumn and fall? The twin towers didn't autumn"

"Barista: Name? Me: Lotta Sexhaver *wink* *Time passes* Barista: Got a latte for Virgin McLiar"

"TEXTATIONSHIP: a person that texts you all the time but never makes an effort to see you."

"What do you get when you fuck a circus performer? Cirque Du So-Laid"

"Just explained the Higgs Boson to my friend even tho I don't understand it. He was very convinced. I bet this is how religions get started."

"Every letter likes Jews... but not-Z"

"What did Santa Claus say when Mrs. Claus asked him for the weather? It's rain, dear!"

"What is a prostitutes favorite food? Anything but blue waffles."

"So my dad dropped this on my mom this morning Mom - ""You know the neighbor always kisses his wife every morning before work. Why don't you do the same?"" Dad - ""How can I? I barely know her!"""