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Joke of the Day
"I had diarrhea till 5am It was shitty"
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"Maybe Aliens don't visit us because they're all women and they want us to make the first move."
"What do cats major in college? String theory!!"
"When one door closes, another opens. Also, you can open the closed door. That's how doors work. How do you know so little about doors?"
"Overheard a woman telling another woman ""It's $150 and she supplies all the turtles"" and whatever it is, I'm in."
"I tried my best to prepare my girlfriend for dinner with my folks. Dad loved her, but mum said she could've done with another hour on a low heat."
"What will they now call hormonally-induced knockers on men? broosts"
"I have to come clean... So I just whack off in the shower."
"What does the Pillsbury Dough boy hide under his apron? Dough nuts!"
"You don't need to write ""imo"". Nobody is confusing your tweets with Nietzsche."