201208

Joke of the Day

"My coffee tastes like the dishwasher. Makes me wonder how Carl's doing and if he still has that same distinct flavor."

"In some ways it's sucks that we are smart enough to understand the futility of life. But luckily we're also smart enough to invent alcohol."

"Hate freeloaders who join in the New Year's Eve countdown for the last 10 seconds. I've been doing this all year. Where were you back in May"

"My doctor told me to start killing people. Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing."

"my wife laughed at me when i told her i was going to make a car out of spaghetti She wasn't laughing when i drove pasta."

"As a kid I've always wanted to be Batman when I grew up but then i was disappointed by a sudden realization... I have parents"

"What do you call a black girl under age 30 named Sarah? Identity thief."

"If you notice This notice, then you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing."

"It says right on the redbull can: do not mix with alcohol. What do we do? We make jager bombs. We are not a species made to last."

"*yells from space* Did you kill that spider?!"