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Joke of the Day
"Policeman: Didn't you hear my siren? Motorist: Sure that's why I sped up."
Next Joke
"My ex-wife says I have 2 brains. One is a penis... ...and apparently, the other's an asshole."
"I'm the king of letting my phone ring for a while before I pick it up so it seems like I'm busy"
"What do gay alligators eat for breakfast? Cockadiles"
"I haven't seen Democrats this upset with a Republican since... A Republican took the Democrats' slaves away"
"If you can read this please let me know because, it means I blocked the wrong person. I'm still getting used to this Stupid timeline!"
"I'm holding a latte and a scone while I break into this Audi so people think it's mine and I've locked my keys in it."
"So a Mormon walks into a bar.."
"Saying Trump can't be an antisemite because his daughter converted to Judaism is like saying he can't be sexist because he married a woman."
"""You stand accused of 3 counts of first degree murder."" ""Look, I'm a lot of things--"" ""Are you a murderer?"" [bites lower lip] ""Little bit."""