200475

Joke of the Day

"I think if my rich neighbor realized just how great of a party he is going to have at his house tonight, he wouldn't leave for vacation."

"Oops, It slipped, wrong hole! But since I'm already here..... -Men"

"What's the most common owl in Britain? The tea towel"

"Noticed a spider while I was driving,so I did what any normal person would do and carefully trapped it in a napkin and set my car on fire."

"Why do Nazis hate Canadian summers? They're mostly Julys."

"As a teen I assumed the best thing about being an adult would be going to bed as late as I wanted. Little did I realise it's the opposite."

"Parents: ""Why don't you come socialize with the family?"" Me: *sits with family* *gets insulted by entire family* *goes back to bedroom*"

"What disease do police give black people? Glock coma"

"The new season of House of Cards will be nothing compared to what lies ahead with President Trump!"

"when I kiss a guy who has a mustache I'll close my eyes and pretend he's either Mario or Luigi, depending on his height"