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Joke of the Day

"Parents: ""Why don't you come socialize with the family?"" Me: *sits with family* *gets insulted by entire family* *goes back to bedroom*"

"Walking down the street today someone handed me a free air guitar... No strings attached..."

"*At the pearly gates* St Peter: Welcome to heaven. I'll show you around. Me: Sooo many oysters must've died to make this gate."

"Well if Trump is a bad president, hopefully by the next election... We'll have 2020 hindsight"

"What do you call a bear in the rain? A drizzly bear"

"Girls at parties are like parking spaces, if you're late all the good ones are gone, So when nobody's looking you stick it in the disabled one...."

"[showing colleague a pic on phone] ""NO! Don't scroll left!"" My face falls as he sees my erotic photo collection of donuts on plates."

"Never kiss a Canary. You'll get churpies! (It's a Canarial disease)."

"Kid 1: I'm bored Kid 2: me too Kid 3: our parents gave us horrible names"

"*Drives by train wreck* Train wreck:""I have a boyfriend."""