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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a laughing mayonnaise? lmayo ahh"

"I hate it when I go to the supermarket and the employees there comment on my groceries. Always with the ""Hey, sir, you have to pay for those!"" Every damn time."

"A member of the Army Corps of Engineers was working on the design of the bottom of an android ""What exactly is going on?"", I asked. He replied, ""A Major engineering feet."""

"Michael Cera, too timid to send his food back even though he's allergic to almonds, eats a meal and politely goes into anaphylactic shock."

"How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? You break his spine. (no hate Intended It's just funny)"

"'Twas the night before Thanksgiving, and I'm out of breath I've been in the kitchen all day, cooking up meth."

"*looks under bed* *checks closet* *shuts light, runs to bed* *pulls covers over head* *ice maker dumps ice* *dies from cardiac arrest*"

"A Woman Comes To The Physician - Herr doctor! My husband is very sick! - OK. Get undressed and show me what does he complain of..."

"What's the best part of sex with a transvestite? Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through."

"Q: How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde? A: It is the one with the kickstand."