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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when I go to the supermarket and the employees there comment on my groceries. Always with the ""Hey, sir, you have to pay for those!"" Every damn time."

"What does cheese say to itself when taking a selfie in the mirror? Hallooooo me!"

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chick pea? Nobody's ever paid money to have a lentil on their face."

"What's Italian Alzheimer's sound like? ""Whoa! fuggodaboutit!"""

"Did you know that jewish people have a higher risk of getting a cavity? There saliva can be very Hassidic."

"I buried my head in my girlfriend's breasts tonight when we had a deep, intellectual conversation I just had to rack my brain to figure it out."

"What's a philosopher's favorite toy? Play-doh."

"Hey girl are you a capri sun? Because i want to stab you."

"Facebook is like an Emotion Bank People deposit their feelings to save, but usually gain very little interest."

"My dad only lets me keep 2 pet ravens at a time Nevermore"