199813

Joke of the Day

"I gave some Adderall to my Ford Fiesta... it's now a Ford Focus."

"I once tried starting a private airline business But it never took off"

"I have walrus-like reflexes! Basically I roll around my apartment and slap my belly when I want food"

"My Favorite Limerick There once was a fellow McSweeney Who put some gin on his weenie Just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his girlfriend a martini"

"*desperately tries to get screaming newborn daughter latched onto my nipple* hmmmm. she must not realize I'm a feminist"

"Anytime I cannot find my kids I just go to the bathroom and wait for them to barge in"

"I learned about the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon last week and now it seems like everyone's talking about it."

"Look I see that you love me and would kill for me, but this guy over here barely notices me and has a GF. I'll play the odds. -Woman logic"

"Glare upon the field where I grow my fucks and see that it is baren Seriously they just won't grow"

"Have you heard who's playing the lead role in Hollywood's latest fairytale movie? China's GDP numbers."