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Joke of the Day

"I learned about the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon last week and now it seems like everyone's talking about it."

"What do you call a gay dinosaur? Gagsalotofdong"

"Hello, 911? *twirls phone cord around finger* sooooo how was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?...No you hang up first! Hello? 911?"

"Alanis Morissette: It's like 10000 spoons when all you need is a knife. Spoons R Us clerk: Ma'am, nobody asked you to shop here."

"[on phone with mom] SHE SAID YES!!!! ""congrats, son"" I asked her if she thought I was weird ""Wait what?"" She thinks I'm weird. We broke up"

"Meltdowns are what happens when you compartmentalize your thoughts, but forget to label them."

"Someone should invent a version of Twitter for people who spell things like rappers. They could call it ""twita"". Dat would b nize"

"Almonds on the tree; Amonds off the tree cause to get them off the tree you hafta shake the ""L"" out of them!"

"What did the alpacas go as for their group costume? The zombie alpacalypse"

"Why were the coffee beans upset? Because they were grounded.... Or black I am not sure."