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Joke of the Day

"Glare upon the field where I grow my fucks and see that it is baren Seriously they just won't grow"

"It's so humid today I keep expecting a southern lawyer to do his closing argument."

"There are three types of people in this world... Those who can count, and those who can't."

"Did you hear about the guy who pick pocketed a midget? How could he stoop so low?"

"Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business."

"Publisher: Mike we can't accept your children's book. It's far too stupid for even the stupidest child. me: It was supposed to be for adults"

"So there's a guy with a speech impediment.... It's funny because his life is hard, and he was relentlessly ridiculed in grade school."

"What did the leper say to the prostitute? keep the tip bitch."

"I think my nephew finally figured out that there's no chameleon in this cage & that his Xmas present is a cage."

"I finally got Tinder ... and after a few matches, I was able to start a campfire"