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Joke of the Day

"Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says ""welcome""..."

"What's the difference between an old bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean."

"""50 Cent for 2Pacs of Eminems!? That's Ludacris!"""

"I was just dancing like nobody was watching and anyway... my dogs dialed 911 and these firemen think I'm having a seizure."

"How did Ramadan go? It went by pretty FAST!"

"I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer but no one will do it."

"Anita Sarkeesian and Zoe Quinn walk into the UN.. Then proceed to lecture them on bullying."

"My mom's favorite part of my birthday is describing my birth in detail to an 18 year old waitress who is just there to get our drink order."

"""There's a horse in my leg?! Why are you taking out my Adam's Apple? What's wrong with my nose?""- Guy from 'Operation'"

"The age old question... The age old question, if I paint my car black will it stop working or will it run faster?"